Thursday, April 24, 2008

TT # 27 - 13 Rejected Hallmark Greetings

Thirteen Rejected Hallmark Greetings

1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day...
Look at the bright side,
she's a really good lay.

2. How could two people as beautiful as you ...
(inside card)
Have such an ugly baby?

3. My tire was thumping....
I thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire....
I noticed your cat... Sorry

4. You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends.

5. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee and West Virginia)

6. I must admit,
You brought religion into my life ...
(inside card)
I never believed in Hell
Until I met you.

7. When we were together,
You said you'd die for me ...
(inside card)
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time
To keep your promise.

8. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy ...
(inside card)
Did you ever find out who the father was?

9. You are such a good friend!
If we were on a sinking ship
And there was only one life jacket ...
(inside card)
I'd miss you terribly

10. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.

11. Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it ....
She moved in with me

12. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
(inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(inside card)
Guess you didn't tell this one that you have genital herpes.

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Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Here's the deal...

I have been a very bad blogger friend. I realize this. I apologize. Recently, I realized that since August, I have gained 20 lbs. Most of you don't know, but two years ago, I began my weight loss journey. I started eating right and exercising in May 2006, and by December, I had lost 55 lbs. Well, now, I found 20 of them and I am very upset by this. So I have decided to do something. I joined Weight Watchers and I am back at the gym 3+ days a week. Not the 5 days I was doing before, but life is much busier these days. So, wish me luck. I have 50+ lbs to lose!

Just for fun, I stole this from The FABULOUS Jenn at Enjoying the Ride.

1. How old will you be in 3 years? 35...ouch. 2. Do you think you'll be married by then? I would assume so, yes.
3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months? losing weight and fitting into my shorts from last year!
4. Who was the last person you called? Doug (our friend/Zac's co-worker)
5. Have you ever played a team sport? Softball, soccer and cheerleading in Jr. High/High School
6. Who was the last person to text you? Doug (It was American Idol night!)
7. Who was the last person you hugged? Kendall
8. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping
9. Parents separated/divorced/married? married to each other for 38 years! Wowza!
10. Last time you saw your dad? Gosh, I don't even know. Christmas??
11. What happened at 9:00 a.m. today? I lost my crystal ball, so I can't tell ya!
12. How many states have you visited? Geez, I'm supposed to COUNT and think at 6 am? I think not. Probably like 10 or so.
13. If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be? Disneyland with my family-I love that place.
14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? socks. Not a foot fan.
15. Are you a social person? Yes, I am, most of the time. Unless I am in a group where I don't know most people, then I am quiet. Not shy in the least, though.
16. What was the last thing you drank? water
17. Favorite ice cream? chocolate malted crunch from Rite Aid.
18. What is your favorite dessert? Key Lime Cheesecake is pretty darn good!
19. Whats your favorite color? Purple, purple, purple!
20. What Jelly do you put on your PBJ? razzleberry.
21. Do you like coffee? yes, I do, but I prefer Chai tea if I am having caffeine.
22. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average? about 120 oz of water a day. So, divide that by 8...
23. What do you drink in the morning? water or Chai tea.
24. Would you rather kiss someone with or without a tongue ring? I have never kissed anyone with a tongue ring, but I think it would be very interesting!
25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes, I do.
26. Do you know how to play poker? I think so. I can never remember though.
27. Whats so good about Fridays? The Weekend!
28. Any plans to visit the green monkeys on No, no desire, thanks.
29. Do you eat out or at home more often? home
30. How big is your TV? it's pretty small. Like 25 inches.
31. Ever stolen a street sign? No, I have not.
32. Do you keep a piggy bank? I don't, but Zac has a ginormous pickle jar he keeps change in.
34. Have you ever been in an ambulance? no
35. Do you prefer the ocean or a pool? Pool, the ocean scares me.
36. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat? I am not picky.
38. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? kids clothes.
39. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7? My wedding set.
40. Do you speak any other language? I can remember a bit of Spanish from m y years in HS, but I couldn't carry on a convo.
41. Can you roll your tongue? yes.
42. Who is the funniest person you know? My Zac is hilarious.
43. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Nope. Who needs one when you have an (almost) 4 year old snuggling with you??
44. What is the main ring tone on your phone? It was the "Office" theme, but I had to change it, because I never heard it. I just always thought the radio was playing the Office music. So, it's the Nostalgic ring tone.
45. Do you still have clothes from when you were little? Nope.
46. What is the color of your bedroom wall? blue paneling
47. Do you shut off the water when you brush your teeth? I don't think I do.
48. Are you crushing on someone right now? Just my husband!
49. Do you currently hate someone? No way! I ain't no hater!
50. Why do you take surveys? What else am I gonna do at 6 am?